WELCOME TO ALL MOTHERS

No matter how old your children if you want to be happier, calmer

and more in control of your emotions READ ON.

Who is the Mother Whisperer?

Kim Perrow is the MOTHER WHISPERER, Kim is a private Maternal Well-Being Consultant and specialises in the emotional well-being of mothers with children of any age. During in-home or phone consultations she works with mothers to improve their maternal self-esteem and confidence as the 'EXPERT' of their own child. This enhances both their motherhood experience and the mother/child relationship by balancing the emotional needs of both. Kim advocates gentle techniques to help improve the emotional well being of mothers whilst always mindful of improving the quality of children's lives of as well. Kim balances the needs of all family members and does not subscribe to one-size-fits-all advice. Kim respects that every mum has a unique experience and her advice is tailored to the individual needs of each client. She also works with antenatal women who may have specific fears of the impending birth; these include women who are parenting after loss, and mothers without mothers. Her qualifications include a Bachelor of Behavioural Science with Honours in Psychology and most importantly she has two children of her own (aged 2 & 5yrs). For more information visit the About Kim page.

Want to be a Happier Mum?

When mothers are happy, confident, well supported, and mentally and physically healthy everyone in the family benefits. Parenting is then no longer a chore but a joyful event. Don't just survive your child's early years; you deserve to thrive during your child's early years.

To find out more about in-home or phone consultations visit the Services page.

To contact Kim or book a consultation, visit the Contact page.

How do you know when you need to Seek Help?

It is never too early to speak to someone about your concerns no matter how small they may seem. It does not matter how many children you have, or how old they are, feelings of frustration, guilt, anger and despair can begin at any time and can ruin your opportunity to have fun with your child or enjoy being a mother.

Signs to look for:

· You are meeting the needs of everyone in your family, but not your own.

· Motherhood is not what you expected and you are feeling disappointed.

· You are surviving each day, but only just.

· You want to be a happier, calmer and more patient mum.

· You are still thinking about, or blaming yourself, for problems you had during your pregnancy, delivery or breastfeeding.

· You had a traumatic delivery that left you feeling helpless or out of control.

· You know you should feel content and happy but you just don't.

· Your child is behaving in ways you just can't understand or stop.

· Your child has health or developmental problems and no one seems to understand how this feels.

· You just don't know what else to do.

· You have no support or people to turn to for advice.

· Your mother is not around for you and you need someone to talk to.

· You have a lot of family and friends but still feel very alone.

· Your relationship with your partner has changed for the worse and you want to get it back on track.

· The advice you are receiving is not helpful, and often just seems critical of your choices, making you feel like a failure.

· Your child won't listen to a word you say.

· You need someone to talk to without feeling judged.

· You are regularly feeling overwhelmed, angry, helpless or frustrated.

· You are having trouble parenting the way you want to. E.g. you don't believe in spanking, yelling, punishing etc. but find yourself doing it out of frustration.

· You've tried everything and nothing seems to work when settling your baby.

· Everyone is telling you to use 'controlled crying' and although it doesn't feel right, you think you might need to try it (note: there are other techniques that don't involve leaving your child to cry).

· You want to learn how to communicate with your child better and understand more about their temperament (this is possible even from birth).

· Your child is acting defiantly with tantrums and aggression and you are at your wits end.

· You are parenting after loss and are worried or not enjoying your pregnancy

· You want a relationship with your child that includes mutual trust, love and respect.

· You want to know more about meeting your child's emotional and psychological needs as well as their physical needs whilst balancing this with your own and your partner's needs.

For more information see the Services page.

What is Maternal Adaptation

Parenting is one of the most rewarding and most difficult roles you will play throughout your life. It is almost impossible to prepare beforehand for the change having children has on your life. Whilst parenthood brings many positive experiences, both parents need time to adjust to the responsibility and allow themselves to grieve for the aspects of their lifestyle that they lose after having a child, these may include a loss of freedom, identity, confidence, time, income and last but not least sleep. Whilst both parents experience these changes it is often the mother who takes on the main caregiver role and as a result can feel that the responsibility falls upon her to make the most adjustments to her lifestyle. The success of a woman's adaptation to motherhood is a vital ingredient in a happy family. Most mothers want to be 'great' at their role, however, they often mistakenly assume that to be 'great' they have to put their own needs last. The key to a happy family is a happy mother and a happy mother is one who balances her own needs with those of her family. Happy mothers are more emotionally available to accept the changes that come with being a mother and this successful adaptation results in her being better able to meet the physical, emotional and psychological needs of her children.

What is Maternal Self-esteem?

Up to 20% of mothers experience postnatal depression and postnatal anxiety; however, many more suffer from low maternal self-esteem, in other words feeling that you are not a very good mum and doubting your ability to meet your child's needs. Mothers with low maternal self-esteem may sometimes feel they have symptoms of depression (e.g. crying, loss of pleasure, feeling unable to cope and helpless) and anxiety (e.g. worry, irritability, breathing problems, anger or guilt) however, because most of the time to themselves and others they appear to be coping they often do not seek help, nor do they receive any extra support. This results in mothers suffering silently and enduring motherhood rather than really enjoying it. It is worth mentioning that the continuance of these feelings being left untreated not only puts the mother at risk of worsening symptoms, she is also likely to be less emotionally available to her child, in turn, affecting the quality of the mother/child relationship. Having low maternal self-esteem does not mean that you do not love your child, in fact, often the harder we try to be perfect loving parents the more frustrated, angry and helpless we feel when our expectations are not met.

What causes low Maternal Self-esteem?

There are many events that lead to low maternal self-esteem, some occur before you have children and some occur after, such as: a personal or family history of anxiety or depression, a lack of support, experiencing negative events over which you have no control such as death of a loved one, miscarriage or complications during pregnancy, delivery or breastfeeding, pre-term children or children with health problems, having a child with a high need temperament or other stressful life events. These factors contribute to doubting your ability to meet your child's needs or deal with feelings such as guilt, worry, helplessness and anger. Low self-esteem is highly related to depression; thus, if you think you could be enjoying your motherhood experience more or you have doubts about your mothering skills, acting early by seeking help may prevent the onset on postnatal depression.

Child Temperament and Mother's Personality?

The fit between the mother's personality and the child's temperament is often overlooked when health professionals are giving mothers advice about how to raise children. About 70% of children have a fairly easygoing temperament and adapt to most routines and environment changes imposed by their parents without too much fuss. However, this leaves around 30% of children with a 'not so' easygoing temperament, these children are often labelled 'high need', 'fussy' or 'difficult' or 'slow to warm'. Mums of these children are often at great risk of low maternal self-esteem because they blame themselves when routines and parenting techniques that suit other children that they know, or their own older children, do not work for them. Mums of these children will recognize the following statements:

"We failed sleep school"

"We tried controlled crying and he/she screamed the house down"

"I can't put him/her down"

"He/she seems to know when I leave the room/house"

"He/she only sleeps for 40mins and then needs an hour of resettling for another 40mins or sleep"

"He/she needs my attention all the time"

"He/she only stops crying when being held"

"He/she is attention seeking all of the time"

"He/she is naughty, aggressive and unpopular"

"I can't control him/her"

All temperament styles have positive and negative aspects to them, learning how to work with your child's temperament can greatly improve how you feel as a mother and your relationship with your child. Further, understanding how your own personality can affect your expectations and reactions can greatly improve your enjoyment of motherhood. Although you can help to shape your child's temperament, you can't really change it as temperament is fairly stable, thus understanding and working with your child's temperament style will have benefits for years to come. It is never too late, mothers of older children benefit greatly when they work to highlight the strengths of their child's temperament, and the children benefit too.

The primary aim of the Mother Whisperer is to balance the needs of both the mother and child whilst assisting mothers to accept with serenity the events they cannot change, the strength and information they need to change the conditions that can be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference between the two.

To find out more about in-home or phone consultations visit the Services page.

To contact Kim or book a consultation, visit the Contact page.

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Last revised: July 29, 2008

Disclaimer: The information on this site is of a general nature only and should not be relied upon as a substitute for a private consultation with Kim or information from other health professionals. Despite endeavors to the contrary the Mother Whisperer makes no representations regarding the accuracy, reliability or completeness of any material contained within this site. Further, the Mother Whisperer does not accept liability for any event including injury, loss or damage, which results from or is connected with material contained within or accessed via this site. Linked sites are not under the control of the Mother Whisperer, said links are provided as a courtesy to the reader, thus no responsibility can be accepted for material contained within linked sites.

Should you have any queries please do not hesitate to contact the Mother Whisperer.